The Dark; The Delicate

Mending the heart is a delicate process. Over two weeks, I witnessed the contents and structure of my heart demolished and rebuilt. Perhaps "demolished" exaggerates, but it sure did feel that way. No, it was not demolished fully, but it was restructured carefully and what came out of that period is remarkable. One day, the storm was at its strongest. The next day I woke up in peace, and that peace grew into the next days, and everything after that changed. The storm could only last so long, so long as I honored that the clouds were there and the rain they had to offer to Earth. They did their work and cleared. The fundamental principles I was working with: I welcomed the pain I was experi

The Purpose of Pain

When we say someone has a "tender heart" it is meant as a good thing. When I have a tender muscle, it hurts. A tender heart must be prone to pain. Then why would I want a "tender heart?" If you read two posts ago when I posted "On Love" from "The Prophet," it is quite clear. My most recent post was a reaction to Kahlil Gibran's words. He makes it clear that it will hurt. And yet, without the full ability to love, we live a miserable life. So what do we do with the pain? I don't drink, do drugs, or watch TV to suppress pain, which are common strategies, so my options are limited. For me, when I am not careful, I shut pain out with anger. When I am careful, I trust that pain has a purpose

Shutting Out

I wanted to shut out the world and say, "Never, No, I will not." I wanted to close my heart to one idea And open it to another, and say, "Yes" to One, I can love All. Say "No" to one other, I will not love one. I wanted for one part of my heart to become cold And for another to find warmth. Yet something inside felt unsure that this part of me knew what she was doing. And then a great poet reminded me, A poet with whom I've never been able to disagree, That the heart fragmented is no heart at all. The heart offered only in pieces cannot experience real Love. Loving one person and not All of Life is incomplete love. Loving All of Life and not knowing how to love one person is incomplete love.

Missing Lessons

Eyes widen as I learn that there is so much more to learn. The end of relationships are becoming aversions to me. And yet an aversion means I am avoiding, and if I keep that up I take a step back. Avoidance as a coping strategy... I must be hiding something. Or running from something. A life lesson that I am to learn? I am becoming afraid of relationships. I am averting pain and hurt as a result when I run from relationships, which I know must all end. Yes they must all end, whether as a decision or in death. Whereas, in the past, the end of a relationship would motivate me to do better next time, now I say, there will be no next time. There are important principles to employ in str

"You are the bows..."

My Dad told me, some years ago, that he sees his role as a father very much in the way Khalil Gibran explains in "The Prophet," "On Children." This is everything I need as a daughter - and everything I could give to my children. "On children" by Khalil Gibran An Excerpt from "The Prophet" And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not th

Mending with Music

Music. Music stirs me. It is so consistent in its abilities to make me feel. When I listen to a live performance, I will inevitably listen to my own tears. I make sure I listen so well that I have no choice but to cry. At least for one song, tears are free to fall. I give them freedom to be what they are, to leave me, and soak my skin, wet my shirt. They can be themselves and so can I. And that's how I know I've truly listened. Mostly, in listening to song, my body moves to rhythm and finds its own rhythm to weave. It blends into the streams of sounds, the circles and the lines. It dances a soft dance that I contain because I'm in public. My head moves one way, my fingers move anoth

Staying Single

What a phrase. Staying single. It's the only phrase making sense right now to describe the right feeling I'm looking for. If I say, "Single Forever," meaning I never want to be in an intimate relationship ever again, I could sabotage what might be a splendid thing if I meet someone in say, twenty years from now. So, I have to stay open and not say "forever," for now. I used to say, fairly recently, that I am married to myself first. So I could say, "Marrying my Self." This means, I am dedicated and devoted to developing myself into my Highest Self, my fullest potential in this life time. I'm focused on letting fall away all the parts of me that are covering up my True Nature, that whic

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© 2020 by Sandy Naimou